


Pizza Rolls not Gender Roles

by phanhorsedoris



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Agender Character, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bipolar Disorder, Character Development, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Smut, Grumpy Isak, M/M, Miscommunication, Pansexual Character, Self-Discovery, Soft Boys, Strangers to Lovers, drama queen, lots of cuteness, lots of fluff, non-binary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-07 09:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12230535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanhorsedoris/pseuds/phanhorsedoris
Summary: Even is trying to have his life in order. Managing his uni, work, mental health and social life is hard enough. He's not looking for a new relationship but it all changes when he meets the most beautiful boy and the most dramatic one, he have ever seen.OrIsak doesn't take shit from anyone, even from a boy straight from his wet dreams.





	1. Juding book by it's cover

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! please bear with me through the wreck that is this fic.  
> All of this is fiction, I'm not bipolar so everything is based of what I read or heard.  
> I'm not a native English speaker and it's not proof read by anyone so sorry for all the mistakes. Leave coments if you find any. Hope It's still enjoyable to read.

Mornings were his favorite part of the day. It was that time, when he get to start new day, guess the weather before looking out the window, listen to Mikael ridicoulsy singing in the shower. Mornings usually restorted his hopes and optimism. It was a new start. But it was also the time when he had to take his pills. And even though he was much more confident and took peace with his mental illness long time ago, taking his medication was still humailating, it meant that he needed chemicals so he doesn't go crazy. It's a remainder that he'll never be normal. Every therapist, every shrink said that it would get easier with time but it never got. Even was now dealing with his bipolar disorder for a good few years now and taking pills was still as awful as it was for the first time.

Todays friday morning was no different. Routin was part of his treatment, which ment regular sleep schedual, classes every morning and daily text to let his mom know he's still somehow sain.

Mamma  
Hope you're doing great honey.  
Remember about your appointment

Even  
I know, I have it on my phone.

Mamma  
That's good. Come to dinner tomorrow?

 

Even  
Okay. Love you

Mamma  
Love you kiddo

 

Even throw his phone on his duve and flooped down, back on his pillow. He loved his mom a lot and he knew she was just trying to take care of him but sometimes he just wanted to drink a beer without being anxious that she'll somehow know, go out and do stupid, crazy things with his friends without nagging self-preservation. He always heard that mental illness doesn't define him but it didn't fellt like that when he laughed a little too laud and was getting concerned looks from people.

There was no light slipping into his room so he guessed that the weather was rather gloomy. He looked back at his phone and checked the time. It was already past nine so he was running a little late morning. As in on queue he heard a knock on his door and loud voice.

"Rise and shine princess. Don't want to miss the lecture"  
Living with Mikael was amazing and the worst at the same time. He was trying to move out from his parents for some time but his mother was always a little sceptic so when his best friend asked him to be his roommate it was like a best thing.

Even sighed and stood up, throwing the warm duve away. Streched his muscles and walked to his wardrobe. He quickly got dress in his skinny jeans and white t-shirt. Handsome and effortless as his ex-girlfriend always said.

Last look in the mirror conforming he looked decinet and walked into his kitchen. Mikael was already sitting on bar stool with a big bowl of Even's oatmeal. He looked at him with his eyebrow up in a silent question.

"Yeah, we need to go shopping." told him with a quiet voice Mikael.  
"Weren't you suppose to grab grocieries yesterday?" Even asked him while opening the fridge and finding just few apples, milk and strawberry joghurt. He took the carton of milk out and strated to pour last bits of his fruity oatmeal into a bowl.  
He waited few more seconds for an anwser but was met with silence and just sighed.  
"Fine, I'll get it after work, as it seems we're out of everything" He ended with throwing, now empty, carton after pooring the lasts bits of milk into the bowl.  
His friend just grinned while taking another spoonful into his mouth.

"Oh, before I forget, we're going to a party this evening and you can't say no." announced to him smiling Mikael.  
"And why can't I say no?" said Even and sat down next to him with his own breakfast.  
"Because you're going, and Yousef needs help with Sana" Mikeal took his bowl and put it in a sink and grined at Even again, clearly knowing he won't argue.  
"Guys will come here at nine, so be ready." Satisfed with himself Mikeal went to his bedroom, leaving Even alone in the kitchen.

The whole apartment was mostly silent. He could only hear muffled presence of his room mate and constant clinging of his spoon. Times like this always made him warmer inside. Despite what they went through, his friends always stood next to him. And Even after a bumpy road lerned to apriciate this small, domestic moments. There was a cliche quote that often resonated with him. Live in the moment.  
He worked hard to not let his bagage sunk him down. No, he wanted to be like a mosquito that slides on the surfice of water.

Before he knew, he was fishing the spoon into the empty bowl. He chuckled at his thoughts, stood up and washed the dishes quickly, trying not to get too deep into his mind again.  
With slightly shaky hands, he reached for yellow bottle that stood on the highest shelf, right next to Mikaels gummy vitamins for children. Without thinking he poped one pill and swallowed it dry. It left bitter after taste in his mouth and goosbumps on his arms.

While waiting for Mikael, he manage to brush his teeth, style his hair into a messy quiff and change jackets few times, selecting between light or dark denim jacket. Choice falling on the last one.

Finally his friend walked to their hallway, five minutes after necesarry time to get to uni. Even was already dressed with his backpack swinging on one shoulder.  
"What took you soo long?"  
He got an anwser in Mikaels hands being shoved into his face. His finger nails painted dark green, that fitted prefectly with his outfit. Even just rolled his eyes at his friend and chuckled.  
"Of course, come on artist, I don't want to be too much late"

Fortunatly they lived pretty close to their uni, which was very convinient. Especially that Mikael was always late, taking forever to get ready in the mornings. It was just a ten minute walk through busy Oslo streets. Men in suits with lether suitcases running, couples shairing goodbye kisses and students rushing to get to class on time. Even was always fascinated, always watching different people around him.

His eyes focused on a girl that chatting with an older lady, when a guy run past him, shoving him into a lantern. Even hit it quite hard, his shoulder catching on a sharp ornaments. He looked up, but the guy was already quite ahead of him, he could only notice a blond curls that bounced up and down. Even pulled his sleeve up and notice a big, purple bruise being formed on his skin.

"What an asshole. You okay?" He felt Mikeal's fingers lightly touching the outline of the bruise, Even breathed in heavly, skin stinging even without much preasure. "Yep, it look nasty. And he didn't even apologised"  
"I'm fine, he's just propably in a hurry" Even tugged his shirt down, ignoring angry looks from his friend. "It's just a bruise"  
The rest of the walk went by in a silnce. Mikeal just side watching him with disapointment written all over his face.

They slipped quetly in their lecture late and found free sits in the back. Only poeple in last rows noticing them, thankfully the profesor was busy reading at loud.  
The classes went by quickly for Even. He always listened as much as he could and took notes trying to stay on top of classes. Directing was he's dream job after all, so learning about diferent camera angels affected audience was fascinating.

After the lecture he run to work at the local cafe. Even though his parents helped him with money, he wanted to be more indepented and ease them from his problems, at least a little bit.

And he liked his job. Sitting for few hours and making drinks was calming. The coffee smell always lingering in the air, cozy atmosphere, especially during gloomy days was almost therapeutic. Meeting so many new people was interesting as well.  
Whenever a client walked in, he liked to guess their name based on looks. He rarely was right, but whenever he got it, he always made shure to get something extra for the person.  
Most of them were tired students that needed caffine to survive another essey or after an all nighter either parting or trying to meet a school deadline.

Halfway throught his shift it started to rain. Big water droplets baging on the window rhytmically, making Even shiver inside. The place was almost empty, beside one girl typing enthusiasticly on her computer. She had blonde, long hair tied into a ponytail. She wore pink blouse and black skirt. He named her Kari.  
Even knew that this weather will bring some more customers, looking for shelter from wetness.

And as expected, he heard a bell ding, indicating that someone walked in.  
It was a young guy with mop of brown hair, now slightly moist. He wore a checkered shirt and jeans, black bag hanging in his hand. But the most prominent thing was this guy's eyebrows. They were big and bushy, giving him specific look that suited him. Even named him Johan. The guy walked in a hurry towards counter where Even was standing.

"Hello. What can I get you?" Even gave him a friendly smile while waiting with curiosity.  
"One medium black and one big caramel machiatto, to go please."  
Even picked up to plastic cups and scribled the coffee type.  
"Name?" He asked, even if it was unnecesery, seeing as there was only two people inside.  
"Jonas"

He wrote the name on a cup and sighed. He was close this time, which brought a big smile on his face. While he was preparing his drinks, Even side watched him. Johan walked to the typing girl and started talking to her, clearly they have known each other. He observed them while pouring caramel syrop. They looked kind of close, maybe they were ex-lovers or maybe they were just friends who had clases together. Because of his spaciness, he pumped too much syrop into a coffe. He hoped that the person liked it sweet.

He called the guy over to get the cups, hot coffie steaming through the lid. He grabbed them in a hurry, balancing both in one hand, while he fished his phone out and dialled someone. Even didn't get to hear the conversation thought as the guy walked outside, into the rain. The cafe became silnet once again. The girl stoped typing as well and packed her laptop, while he busy serving the bevriges. Before walking out, she gave Even a nice smile that reminded him of his ex-girlfriend.

The rest of his shift went by without any interesting events. They were few more people that came in and Even didn't guessed any names. And when his last customer left satisfided, extactly at five o'clock he took his apron off, said hello to his co-worker that had evening shift and rushed to his apartment. He stopped by a grociery shop, remebering to get some food for them so they won't have to starve the next morning and quickly grabbing just the necessities.

Mikael was not home yet, so Even had some time to work on his movie project for cinematography class. He dropped his bag and tiptoed to his room, finally back in his bed. With his long arms, he manage to grab his computer from the desk without dropping it. Being alone was the best time for Even to edit his video. His friend always poped up wanting to see the preview but before anyone could see his work, he needed to perfect it. This particular project was about an artistic representation of student life. Flashy imiges, long days and fast nights, lots of love, sex but also studing with noses in books.

When he started working, his whole focus was solely on the movie. He was determent to get it done, checking if every clip, every bit of music was put in order. Loosing himself in project, not keeping track of time.

He laid on the bed with laptop on his lap, fuzzy blanket thrown over his bare fit, room almost completely dark, expcept bright computer screen. The sound of door being shut down startled him. The clock on his computer shown twenty past eight already, so he spent good two hours just working in silence. It was then that he heard a few voices indicating that Mikael didn't came back alone. He saved his editing and went to say hello.

"You died Evy? The whole place was dark and creepy" Even whipped his head around and saw Elias sitting on a couch with Adam and Mutta.  
"Still alive." He grinned and dropped down half on the couch, half on their laps.  
"You ready? You know about the party tonight right?" asked Mutta while patting Even's leg.  
"Yeah, are you ready Even?" Mikael and Yosef came in from the kitchen, holding a big plastic bag.  
"Almost" He sighed and run to get change. Behind he heard snicker coments how he didn't even strated to get ready earlier. He didn't really feel like parting, waniting to get back to his editing but they would never forgive him. So as fast as he could, he tried to get himslef to look at least presentable after a long day.

Fiften minutes later and ten more jokes from his friends, they were all strolling down the street to where the party was held.

"So heard Sana will be at this party?" Teased Even while bumping playfully into Yosef.  
"Guys, she's just my sister. Just stay chill Yosef"  
"Yeah, I'm always chill." Said with determinatio, then added "She's just so pretty and smart"  
"And you're so whipped" Laughed Even and shoot his eyebrow up.  
"Okay, mr. single. don't get so cocky" Grinned Adam  
"Yeah, remember when you pined over that last girl?" Mikael high fived Adam and interwined their fingers.  
"She had a boyfriend! And green eyes!" He defended himself and everyone laughed uncontrollably.

"So who's hosting?"  
"Oh it's a uni club party thingy" told him Elias while they started to aproach a big house. You could hear music from here already.  
"What club?"

"Lgbt one" And Even saw all the rainbow and other color flags that hangt on the building, There was also a baner that said Jævla homo, right above the front door. It startled Even a bit. He was shocked that something like this were happening in his hometown, in his uni.

"I didn't know you guys were into this" Even stopped in front of the house while his friends just kept walking unmoved by everything. Mikael looked back and scofed.

"Yeah, what are you homophobic?"  
"Of course not" And he followed them inside the party, without a second glance to the big banner.

It was unnecesary anyway, as the interior was decorated as well. They were rainbow flags all over the walls, fairy lights falling down form ceiling and fruity, colorful drinks. Music blasting and shaking every nerve in his body. People with paint on their faces, dancing with sweat sticking hair to their forehead. He didn't know most of the people there and that didn't sooth his anxiety. He suddenly became very self concuosioned, fingers tingling and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

Even decided that he neded a drink, so he went after his friends to a kitchen.  
There was much less people in it, just two guys sipping on a bottle of beer while talking. Once Even entered the kitchen, their coversation died. They greeted him and his friends with a friendly nod and walked out. Even recognised one of them as a customer from his work, but he forgot his name.

They all grabbed a drink, Even optioned for a beer, needing some alcohol in his system. Elias and Mikeal also grabbed bottle while others got water or sodas. He gulped half of the bottle in a one swing, his nerves getting better of him.

"Woah Evy, slow down there buddy" He was met with vary look from Yosef. "We still have a whole night"

"I'm fine" He dissmissed the coment, trying not to dwell on a nagging feeling inside. He usually had good self control with drugs and drinking, he didn't abused it but also didn't cut off completly, so they didn't press harder, knowing better than that. Trusting him to find his own balance. "You're not going to find your girl?"

"You're right." Yosef said with determination. He was always trying to look casualy cool, but the nerves clear fo people who knew him. " Wish me luck guys"

His leaving was met with a few chuckles, only Elias keeping somehow a straight face, seeing as it was his sister. They fell in a comfortable conversation, just chilling next to the fridge, while tipsy people came and went looking for more alcohol. By the time Even ended his first beer, second half sipped much slower, his friends wanted to go into the actual party.

"Nah, I'll just stay here for a moment" He reasured them as he went for his second bottle."I'll find you later"

"Okay, don't take too long princess" Mikeal winked and walked out, hand in hand with Adam, Elias and Mutta followed them right after.

Even hopped up on the counter, one hand mindlessly scrooling through his phone, the other holding the beer. The kitchen was much more muted when it came to decorations. There was just a babadook gay meme stuck on one of the shelfs, it made Even snort, and a heart sticker on a fridge. It was a nice, big house and he wondered who lived here. It clearly was a person from a lgbt club otherwise they wouldn't organise masive party for that cause.

For a while Even just sat there, trying not to dwell too much. He drunk his second beer and put the empty bottle away, not being in the mood to get drunk. Then some guys walked in, laughing and joking, one of them swaing a little on his feet, pride pin stuck on the front of his shirt. And it was a queue for Even to go find his friends. He smiled kindly while passing them in a doorway and got a wink from one of them in return. At last he got to hear the snicker coment "For fuck sake Magnus don't flirt with every guy you see"

The living room of the house could have passed as an actual night club. The fairy lights hanged all over the celing, on a flash mode, the effect almost as great as the real lasers. Rainbow ballons flying over peoples heads, there even was a unicorn piniata laying on the couch, squeezed between a kissing couple. Even run his eyes over the crowd and was stunned. There was so many different kinds of people, all just being together and having an amazing time.

And just as he was about to scan the room and look for familiar faces, his eyes got pulled by a guy. He was dancing right in the middle with his eyes closed. He had the most amazing gold curls that trickled down on his forhead, slightly damed from sweat. His face looked like a greeke sculpture of a god, lips with the most prominent cupid bow Even have ever seen. This guy was wearing a baby blue crop top that showed just enough of his defined abs to let everyone know he worked out. Black shorts that left his long, smooth legs out for people to see. He also wore a black chocker with a metal hoop around his neck and a bit of makeup, but Even couldn't notice it from the distance.

He was mesmeriased as the guy danced, clearly feeling himself. But then he opened his eyes and locked gaze with Even. Green. It was all he could've think about. They didn't look away from each other and the song started to pick up. The guy swaided his hips to the rythm, a big smug playing on his face. He turned a little bit giving Even the perfect look on his ass while grinding into the air. And he was in awe, how could this be an actual human and not a magical creature. They eyes never leaving each other and even felt it. It was something, a feeling he couldn't quite put a finger on yet. But it made him shiver to the core, goosbumps apearing in his arms. The guy starting to mouth out dirty words of a song that was playing, leaving no doubt what were his intentions and it startled Even but also excited him. All he could think about was running his hand throught that soft, curls and tagging lightly, making the other one moan in response. Like magnet he was lurring Even to himself and he was so weak already and confused.

The song ended and he thought he would loose this beautiful boy but that didn't happend as he apeared second later in front of Even in all his glory. From this close Even could see more all the important detales. They guys had a full on makeup. Purple and silver eyeshadow that made his eyes pop just that little bit more. Light pink lipstick that contrasted with bright colors on his eyelids. Even was ready to die right then and there, his mouth hanging open. But then the guy spoked. "Hey cutie" His voice a little raspy but perfect nonetheless.

"Uhm.. Hi I'm Even" He tried to be colected and chill while his insides were literally screaming.

And then the guy giggled and it was like a music for his ears. He decided he'll do everything to hear that sound again. "I'm Isak. I saw you were having fun"

"Yeah, you know you look wow. You know for a boy that's quite uniqe to dress like this but you're rocking it" Even was trying to make somehow a conherent complement but was not convicened he was making the best job, juging as the guys face scruched up imedietaly.

"For a boy?" His voice wary and little angry.

"Yes, normaly guys don't dress like this and it's rather labeled for girls. And they do look nice but you just look..." Even rambled but thankfuly or maybe not was interupted by the guy.

"Fucking asshole" Isak stated, visibly pissed off and it took Even off guard even more. For a second he hoped Isak was joking or talking to someone else but then he grabbed a nearby glass and poured it all over Even's shirt. "Fucking bigot"

Then he was gone, leaving Even heartbroken, alone, confused with a big, wet stain in the middle of the party.


	2. Drowning in thoughts of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native English speaker and it's not proof read so sorry for that.

The whole weekend after the friday party Even tried to keep Isak out of his thoughts by making himself busy. After all it felt ridicouls, he only talked with him for two minutes and then the guy lushed out on him. So he edited his whole film, two weeks before deadline, cleaned his room, something that was dreading on him for a while and took the weekend shift at the cafe.   
On a Sunday evening, Mikeal and Even were cuddled on a couch, watching another low-budget artsy movie, laughing and trying to find deeper meaning behind every shot.   
Empty box of pizza laying abondend on the floor, greasy tissues thrown over a coffee table and a big bowl of popcorn on their lap. 

They haven't really talked about the friday. After the incidante Even just left and went back home, only sending a short text to his friends to let them know. He was glad that they were unerstanding and didn't press on him because he didn't have a real answer to why he had to leave. But he was also curious about the mysterious guy, if his friends knew or saw anything.   
So when the credits started to roll he couldn't stop himself anymore. 

"So how was the party?" Tried to be nonchalant about it, just asking out of sake for his friends, not because of a certain golden boy. "Was there any drama after I left?" 

"Nah, It was fine. We had a good time, Yosef spend the whole evening with Sana and he survived. People there were actually really nice. We met some of the lgbt club members and they were super friendly. Sucks for you" He stuck his tounge out and reached for popcorn, throwing few pieces into his mouth. "Want to watch another?" 

"I think I'm gonna go to sleep, I'm a little tired." Even streched his long limbs and stood up ready to go to his room. "Don't start a new one without me." 

He ruffeld Mikeals hair fondly and got a goodnight in return. It was still quite early, the moon outside had just began to rise. It shined so brightly that Even didn't even need to turn the ligts on while getting change to bed. 

Tucked in, covers up to his chin, making him warm. He closed his eyes trying to fall asleep. But his mind involontarly bringed Isak again. The conversation with Mikeal keept creeping into his head. He couldn't stop but feel ashame. If everyone was nice, then why did he got yelled at. Even backtracked the intaire interaction, trying to figur out what made this boy so uppset but was left with nothing. Maybe Isak just didn't liked him, simple as that. And if that was the case, then Even should just forget about the whole thing. Just like he tried to do for the past days. 

But if Even was letting it all go, then why when he closed his eyes, all he saw was gold. Was he slipping without noticing. Was this just a manic obsession that would pass, when he would come out of the episode. He chcecked mentaly all of the symptoms but he was sleeping fine, his thoughts were not running and he could focus just fine. 

He never had that big crush on a boy before either. He knew he was bisexual for sometime, especially after the break up with Sonja, but never really been with a boy before. Breaking up after a five year relationship, even if the last felt more like a obligation rather than love, it was still emotianally twisting. He had a few hook ups with girls but nothing serious. And it was good this way, he wanted to get a good grip on his life before letting in anyone else. 

He stared up at the ceiling before his eyelids became too heavy and he fell asleep. Dreaming about a green eyes and blonde curls. 

On mondays his schedule was thight, morning shift at the cafe and then clasess till five. It was a little exhausting but he was trying to stay optimistic and enthusiastic despited it. 

Even was walking down the corridor of UiO, hurring to get to his class. Sweet and hot coffee in his hand, a big perk of working in a cafe. In the other hand, he was holding his phone and texting with Mikael, telling him he was on his way to auditorium. 

Divisible attention was not his strongest feature. So when he walked around the corner of the hall, before he could comprehend the situtation, he colided with another body. Sending this person on the floor, his hot cup falling down and spilling onto everything. Even just froze, his phone buzzed few times but he ignored it. He looked down and the person was already standing up and Even's whole body shivered through weird excitment and emberestment. 

Isak's expresion neutral but when he met Even's eyes it change in a second. His cheeks painted red thanks to anger, his whole body tensing. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Isak was yelling, not caring about making a scene in the middle of school "Are you insane? You think you can just bully other people cause their are different, you fucking bigot?"

Even stared at him with his mouth agape. Isak was just as beautiful as Even remebered him. He was wearing black, skinny jeans with rips on his thights and knees. White t-shirt and red flanel lazily thrown over his shoulders. On top of his head was a red snapback, worn to the back. His curls spilling from underneath the hat, few curls falling down on his forehead. 

They stayed a few seconds in silence, just eyeing each other, before Isak looked down and notice all of the things he was carring were dumped in a poddle of coffee. 

"Fucking hell, these documents were important and now they're ruined." Isak floped down to his knees, trying to save few pages, but they were all soaking wet with big. His white t-shirt also had a big brown stain."Do you think this is a joke or right?" 

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." Evan was full of shame. "I didn't notice you, I wasn't looking and then I bumped into you, man. I'm really sorry"

He kneeled down and wanted to help Isak but instead was abturly showed away, flooping down on his butt. His elbow hitting the hard concrete of the floor. 

"Leave it you asshole." Isak took what he was able to pick up and thrown one last unimpresed look at Even "Stay away from me fucker" 

With this words, he was gone. Walked away, leaving brown prints on the floor, the echo of the wet footsteps loud in Even's ears. He let his head hit the cold wall, and let out a shaky breath. He was drawn to this guy like a magnet, ever since seeing him for the first time, always on his mind. But everytime they see each other, he fuck up. His fingers gripped his phone a little harder in a attempte to stop them from shaking and Even made a mental note to call his therapist. 

When he finally made it to his lecture fifteen minutes late, Mikael was already there, frowing in a silent question. Even just shruged, acting nonchalant, even with a stain on his ass. 

On a lunch break they were all sitting in a uni canteen. It was raining again so most of the people were eating inside. They manage to find a free table right in the corner, a little bit more secluded place, away from the center of the crowd. 

Even was munching on his avocado bagel, the result of living with his best friend, while trying to keep up with the conversation held around the table. His leg bouncing up and down, annoing Elias, who was giving him side eyes for the past few minutes. 

"Even, dude please stop." Elias finally snapped and put his hand on Even's thigh, forcing him to stay still. "You've been fidget since this morning" 

He was met with concern in his friends eyes. Even just sighed, not really wanting to talk about his little obsession. The guys would just worry and they had enough on their minds without it. So Even just dissmised the coment "It was just a stressing morning, sorry" 

Elias eyed him one last time and then just dropped it, continuing his previous talk with Mutta. Even just went back to eating, crumbs from the bagel falling onto his lap. He looked up wanting to ask someone for a tissue or a napkin but caught a familiar mop of hair walking past. Isak was wearing a oversized, pink sweatshirt, clearly covering the dirty tshirt from before. He was looking as good as always, unfazed by their short meeting. While Even was burning inside, anxious and fidgeting all day, still wearing his stained jeans. 

Isak didn't notice him thankfully and sat down to a table with few other people, right next to a girl with long, brown hair. He was in the perfect spot for Even to look unashamdly. He could practicly feel the buzz, when he saw Isak laugh out loud, throwing his head to the side. It was one of the most beautiful things Even have ever seen. He decided, he could have gave up everything, just so he could see Isak laugh all the time. 

Isak just looked like such a soft boy, joking, laughing and drinking a chocolate milk from a carton. His hands drowning in his sweatshirt, creating this cute little paws. Isak's whole being was almost etheral and he couldn't understand why did he have to trigger some anger inside this angel. 

He was still deep in his thoughts, when he felt elbow painfully being stabbed into his ribs. He wripped his gaze away from Isak and was met with several, expected eyes. All of his friends were staring, waiting for Even's respons to something he didn't catch. He raised his eyebrow and pretented that he was paying attention. "Yeah..." 

Everyone just snickered, clearly the respons was not the right one. Even just huffed and added playfully "What? Was that not the eloquent answer you expected?" 

"No, I think it was the best one Evy" Mikeal ruffled his hair, teasing his best friend. 

For the rest of their lunch, Even made himself to pay attention to his friends, only stealing quick glances toward Isak every now and then. His eyes were drawn to him, moving on their own record. He was only praying that no one would notice. It's not like he wanted to lie to his friends. But he didn't know how to explain himself, didn't have any excuses or reasons, even he couldn't understand it. 

And that's how the next few days went. Even would notice this boy everyday in random places in uni or sometimes on a street while heading back home. Every time he would stare at Isak unnoticed. Every time he looked even more beautiful, with outfits on point that varieted in styles and colors. 

Even was slowly going mad. There were an uncertain feelings bubling inside of him. Before going to sleep all he could think about was green eyes. When he tried to get off, gold curls were driving him crazy. While walking past stores with displays, he imagined Isak wearing one of the cute items of clothing. It was all taking an imprint on Even's life and he still didn't know how to talk about it. His anxiety of unknown were starting to raise, so on a thursday afternoon he decieded to finally make an appoitment with his therapist. He was lucky enough, there was an open spot for the next day, so he cancelled his friday shift at the cafe. 

After not going to family dinner last week, he got a very concerned phone call, right after sulking on his sofa in front of the TV. Stranger Things playing on full blow, it was his third time rewatching the series. Mikeal went out hour ago to meet with Adam, but not after trying to drag Even out of the apartment. He didn't gave in though and told his friend to have fun. He just wanted to bury himself under a blanket, in his soft pijama and realx, stop his heavy thoughts from rushing in. Phone ringing made him jump a little, without looking at the caller, he anwsered it. 

"Hi Evy, how're you doing sweety?" His mom always had soothing voice, it helped him fall asleep countless time when he was a child. After the diagnose, there was always a little shakyness to her voce whenever she was talking to him. 

"I'm fine mom. I have an appoitment tomorrow after my classes" 

"That's great honey. How about you come by for dinner after? I haven't seen you whole week!" 

"Okay. I'll be there at four." 

"Great. See you then Evy. Love you"

"Love you too." He tappted the end call button and dropped his phone on the thrown pillow. The episode had aleardy ended and the screen turned to black. There was this weightning silence that started to creep Even out. With a sigh, he turned the TV off and went back to his comfy bed. He put his headphones on and scrooled through milion of songs, looking for the one that played, when he first saw Isak. He didn't remember any of the lyrics, as his attention was all towards specific boy so his job was a lot harder. He scrooled through party song playlist, he researched the newest hit songs but he still couldn't find it. He didn't even know why it was so important to him but it was frustrating none the less. With earphones still in, he fell asleep around ten o'clock and not even Mikeal coming back woke him up. 

On friday Even had only one class but it dragged on for him. He was still nervous, his stomache tied in a knot whole day. The weather outside was nice for a change, after a long few days of rain and gloom, the sun made everyone apriceate the warmth much more. A lot of people didn't even showed up, including Mikeal after coming home late, the day before. That morning Even just knocked on the bedroom door and when in response all he got was a sleepy groan, he just left his friend some eggs and toast for breakfast on a plate. He only hoped that Mikeal woke up before the food had went cold. 

When the lecture was finally over, Even grabbed his bag and head outside, he still had half an hour before his appoitment so he didn't hurry. He was about to walk outside, when Isak caught his eye once again. It was the first time he saw this boy that day and he stopped mid oppening the door. 

Isak was sitting on the window sill, his legs dangling, swaying back and forf. Some big book in his hands, eyes fixed on it, face scrunched in concentration, making him pout cutely. He was wearing mom jeans with diffrent patches all over them, white shoes and pink long socks. His burgundy sweater was hanging low on one of his shoulders, showing his collarbones. Curls hidden under the pink cup with heart that said go away. Fingers gripping the book, balancing it in one hand. In the other, he was holding a big, purple lollypop. 

Even's eyes dropped to his lips, curled around the lollypop, sucking on it vigorisly. In that moment Isak's eyes raised, looking straight into his eyes. Calming green washed over Even and shiver went down his spine. 

Isak pulled the candy of his mouth with loud and obscene pop. His mouth stayed open as his tounge darted out, licking over his prefect cupid bow, tasting the lasts bits of the lollypop. Even followed the movement with his gaze, fixaded on the whole being of this golden boy. He wanted to say something but his mind was completly blank, so they both stayed silent, just watching. 

The spell broke Isak's book, it fell from his fingers and slided down from his lap, falling down with a tud. It startled them both and Isak turned his eyes away. His face changing quickly to annoyence, the boy huffed loudly at Even and picked his stuff fast. Without second thought he walked away, leaving even more confused Even standing half way through the door.

Throught the whole journey to his therapist, Even couldn't get the imige of Isak and the lollypop of his head. It didn't help his anxiety. He dropped his head down and walked fast, hoping that he won't attract any pity looks. 

When he entered the buidling just on time, he approached the secretary straight away, ignoring some other people sitting in waiting room. The older women sitting behinde the desk grinned birghtly. She was a typical grandmom with good maniers and sweet candy at the bottom of her purse. 

"Good afternoon Even. You have a session today?" The secretary asked as she typed his name into the computer. 

"Hi Linda, yes for 15.30" He forced a smile, being there always made Even a bit uncomfortable.

"Oh right. You can go to the office, doctor will come to you shortly." 

He nodded and went to the room at the end of the corridor. The door was closed, so he knocked but was met with no response so he slowly went inside. The office was indeed empty, he quetly sat down on one of the armchairs in the center. 

The whole room was kept in orange and light brown colors, it was supposed to help patients with recovery and give good vibes. That never calmed Even down, instead it brought bad memories to autumn colors. 

At first glance it looked like every therapist office, with two armchairs, big book shleves and a small coffee table. But it had some quirks that always caught Even's eye. Black cat clock that moewed every hour. It sat right next to a petite cacti, that looked half dead in the winter and bloomed in summer. He was amazed at the small being will to live. 

The door clicked and he whipped his head looking at the young, red headed girl. Dr. Karen was only a few years older than him. At the beginning it made him wary but with time he got use to it and even liked it. She could understand some of his problems better than other expirienced shrink. She smiled warmly at him and sat down right in front of Even. She was holding a steaming cup of tea and he could've smelled the fruity aroma filling the room. 

"Hello Even, sorry I'm a bit late. Was craving some tea the whole day" Karen blow some air at her drink at eyed him. 

"It's okay, It wasn't long anyway." His hand stroked the fuzzy armchair, devoting most of his attention to the feeling of it. 

"So how have you been? How's school?" 

"Fine" Even's voice was small and even he wouldn't have belived it. 

"Okay, and your friends? Mikeal is still forgeting to buy groceries?" 

"They are good, and yeah, I still have to buy it for us." 

"You have to buy him sticky notes, I told you that. And have you talked to Sonja?" She gauged his reaction to mentioing his ex-girlfriend name but it didn't changed. 

"No, I haven't" 

She looked at him for few more seconds before speaking up again. "Even, you moved your appoitment earlier. What happend?"

He opend his mouth to explain it but there was no words, he didn't know how to say it. Karen just sighed and gave him a sympathetic smile. 

"Okay, I'll start. So last tuesday, we went for a walk with my dog Pony. I found this masive forest that not a lot of people visit. The weather was so nice that I had to go. My husband and I walked for about twenty minutes before I realised that I couldn't see Pony anywhere. Needless to say I started to panick a little, it was a big forest after all. We looked for about half an hour before deciding to see if maybe she walked back to car." 

"And there she was, sleeping on the back seat, because I've never took her out. I was ready to tear down this place." She giggled at her own story, before Even interupted. 

"I think I slipping." He blured out the words, eyes locked on his lap. 

Karen's expression didn't change, she calmly picked up her journal and a pen. "Why do you think that?" 

"I have this obsession... About this guy. I can't stop thinking about him." He looked up at his therapist and watched her write down some notes. "He's not the biggest fan of me. More like he hates me." 

"Have you been sleeping at night?" Her voice now more profesional, pen still scribbling down. 

"Yeah, more or less." 

"Did you ate breakfast today?" 

"Yeah, I haven't forget about eating." 

"What about classes? Have you been taking notes and studying?" 

"I've been okay, sometimes I can't focuse, my mind bring back the guy." He answered thruthfully. 

Karen glanced him down, her face soften a little as she put her journal away. "Even, I don't think you're going manic. I think you just have a crush" 

He burrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He tought back, when he first saw Isak, how his body was full of shivers. How he followed him with his gaze everytime unable to tear his eyes away. How he saw green behinde his eyelids. 

Even was having the biggest crush on the most beautiful boy who hated him. And it took him a week of nerves and a talk with a therapist to figure it out. 

He was fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long, I know I'm a mess. I'll try better next time. Also I feel like shit right now so sorry for shit ending, My stomache is hurting like a bitch. I'll try to edit this chapter later.
> 
> I need some more cute ideas for Isak outfits so if you have any suffestion leave them in the comments or on my twitter @Doriskowa I don't use tweet a lot so excuse the mess that is my account.

**Author's Note:**

> So my mental state is awful and I'm always lacking motivation so I'm not sure how often the updates will come but I'll try my best. Also I'm in my last year of school and it's draining.  
> Hope you all are having a great day.


End file.
